Couples Counseling Specialist
About Linda
Why I’m a Couples Counseling Specialist
I believe there’s a distinct difference between a couples counseling specialist and a therapist who “also” works with couples.
A singular focus enables me to bring to my couples not only years of experience but also a depth of understanding of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, the most-successful method of helping couples. My work strives to help couples move from distress (often severe) to renewed connection, deeper appreciation of their differences and to become each other’s special “person” again.
We humans are likely the most complex emotional creatures on the planet. We each have our own inner thoughts and beliefs. We were raised in unique families that shaped how we see and behave in our adult relationships. Our personal history is riddled with varied experiences and events – some positive, others negative, perhaps traumatic.
And, then we fall in love.
With someone who, herself or himself, has their own unique history and experiences. Yes, relationships are complex, but they also are the source of our greatest joy, security and support. When things go awry, the emotional bond that brought you together is challenged. As a couples counseling specialist, I strive to help you understand the puzzle of how your marriage or relationship has unraveled. And, to help you return to a loving future as a wholesome couple.
Your Struggles
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Trauma from past relationships
We see “love and affection” differently
We disagree about parenting, money, intimacy
Your Possibilities
Letting go and trusting again
Appreciating each other’s differences
Loving conversations that resolve issues and bring you closer
Call for an appointment or a no-cost consultation:
As a Couples Counseling Specialist, I Help You Dive Deep
In our work together, we gently explore each of you as individuals and as partners. This encompasses a wide scope of understanding of the many facets of each of you as individuals and the unique dynamics of your relationship. You’ll both learn and grow through this effective process.
Attachment is the foundation of relationships.
“We’re so different in how we express affection!” “I don’t always understand my partner and miscues lead to big misunderstandings.”
Attachment is the innate powerful force that causes each of us to seek a close, secure bond with another significant person. This bond is our safe haven against life’s challenges – big and small – and is a secure source of comfort and affection.
When this bond is frayed, when we feel distant or disconnected from our partner, our fears may cause us to be angry and frustrated. Yet our partner responds to our outbursts by going silent and withdrawing. Or, we both get loud, arguing over who’s “right.” Deeply, however, our primary fear of losing each other is taking over. However, our partner only sees the outward emotions such as anger and frustration and, perhaps, silence and unbearable withdrawal.
Our Past Can Contribute to Our Current Challenges
“We fight about money, even though we are financially stable.” “My partner refuses to discuss our difficulties. They shut down, leaving me alone and worried that we’re stuck and may never get better.”
As we deepen our understanding of your interactions as a couple, earlier life experiences come to the fore. For example, being raised in poverty and deprivation influences our fears and financial decisions. And these can be quite different for our partner. Or, having had a critical parent undermines our self-esteem and our ability to function at our best.
As we probe the root of our fears, we bring to light the “whys” that fuel those arguments – and you open the door to compassion and empathy for each other.
This new understanding is fundamental to regaining closeness and healing and to helping each other overcome the difficulties your relationship has experienced.
Your Brain in Love
“I get along great with people at work. But at home, I’m so reactive to even subtle cues that my partner is unhappy. My anger and emotions are entirely different and much harder to control.”
In couples counseling, I often hear these baffling words. Here’s why: When you met and fell in love, you formed a powerful attachment bond with your partner. When the relationship is not going well, emotions can spike. Anger takes over, hampering your ability to reach resolution. Or, silence and “walking on eggshells” prevails. It’s become impossible to calmly discuss important issues and to resolve differences.
You’ll learn how your emotional brain can cause your extreme feelings with your partner. And, you’ll also learn how to calm those intense reactions and turn to your partner and express your deeper concerns.
Your Body in Love
“We so rarely have sex anymore. The kids’ activities and work seem to take up all our time. I fear we’ve become more like roommates.”
Intimacy reinforces our loving bond. Our brain chemistry reacts to this closeness, to touch and to feeling desired. As author and sex therapist Barry McCarthy often notes: “The last person we talk about sex with is the person we’ve having sex with.” Indeed, many couples struggle with talking about sex – particularly about unmet needs and feelings of rejection and isolation.
In couples counseling with EFT, we focus on gentle, yet open ways couples can discuss their intimate life and help each other understand their desires and to work toward revitalizing physical closeness.
Parenting as a Team
“My partner is so strict with the kids. I fear our children will not feel comfortable going to them when they need help.” “My spouse struggles to disciple the kids or maintain consequences. This is a cause of much of our conflict.”
It’s not unusual for couples to have different parenting styles. Unfortunately, the hidden emotions about parenting can lead to arguing and challenging conversations. As we explore the origins of those feelings, we can bring to light the concerns of each partner and work toward improved alignment. You can discover your cohesive values and develop consistent nurturing of children of all ages.
Complex Individual Challenges
“I really struggle to understand my partner’s anxiety. They are so easily worried about what seem like very small things to me.”
As a couples counseling specialist, I also focus on each partner and their personal challenges. When one partner is experiencing difficulties, the relationship or marriage is impacted as well.
My specialty is working with couples; however, as an experienced mental-health practitioner, I’m knowledgeable in a broad range of issues, including addiction and substance abuse, trauma, depression and anxiety. I’ll provide referrals to competent professionals who specialize in these areas. It’s not unusual for one partner (sometimes both) to be in active individual therapy while also working in couples therapy.
Where Do We Start?
I welcome your questions about couples counseling. You can reach out to me at 602-882-0533. We can arrange a brief video or phone consultation to help us decide if I am the right fit for you. Or, you can reach out to me to set your first therapy appointment.