Online Couples Counseling: Is It Effective?

Online couples counseling was not one of my choices for helping couples in distress. I approached converting my practice to telehealth with trepidation. The pandemic, however, made offering online therapy a necessity.

Now after a few years of providing couples counseling totally online, I am now both comfortable with the format and appreciating advantages both for me and for the couples with whom I work.

Couples have told me they are happy with telehealth for several reasons:

• They avoid the hassles of commuting and don’t feel stressed that they could be late because of traffic.

• Some are able to avoid scheduling childcare. If children are old enough to keep busy by themselves, couples can avoid the challenge of finding a babysitter.

• Couples also say they enjoy being able to be seen in the comfortable setting of their own home, which is familiar for them. Some enjoy having their pets nearby as well.

What’s most important to me is that couples in distress are able to access quality, research-supported counseling that is proven to help as many relationships as possible. Additionally, couples who live outside the Phoenix area or other larger Arizona cities have more therapists from which to choose.

Importantly, research thus far is showing that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, for couples or individuals.

Method Matters More than Technology

While there has been a technology learning curve to convert my practice to online marriage counseling, I feel assured that my use of Emotionally Focused Therapy is most important.

As you’ll read elsewhere on my site, Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, or EFT as it’s often called, offers unique and important advantages, including:

•  Years of research studies support this approach and its effectiveness. Studies continue to be conducted to further verify the data.

• This is a warm, sensitive approach in which neither partner is “the problem.” Rather, we work to explore and understand the deeper roots of the disconnection that is pulling you apart, perhaps causing increased conflict and greater difficulty when trying to resolve important issues

• We go far beyond just teaching couples “how to talk.” We know that changing the communication style only has lasting effectiveness if we have deepened the understanding of each partner of themselves and of their significant other. This gentle exploration produces many “Aha!” moments in couples counseling.

• Online marriage counseling incorporates these same key and significant elements. The foundation of this method has proved successful in countries and cultures around the world. So, it makes sense that whether in person or via video, the approach remains strong.

What You Can Expect in Online Couples Counseling?

My goal is to help you relieve the arguing or tension between you  as early in the counseling process as possible.

Much of this occurs in the sessions themselves; however, I also provide “homework” and the strong recommendation that you read (or listen to on Audible) one of the two books for couples written by Dr. Susan Johnson, who is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy.

 I tell my couples that reading the book can save them time and money with me! You’ll learn about the principles of EFT, as well as important insight into your own relationship struggles.

 EFT is a humane and gentle approach. My goal as your therapist is to help you heal past hurtful events, identify how each of you unknowingly contributes to the difficulties in your relationship and then help you learn to use this new awareness to more successfully resolve issues and revive your emotional and physical connection.

To summarize, in online couples counseling, we follow the same, proven approach as we would in person.

Making the Decision to Seek Couples Counseling

 I fully recognize that reaching out for help is intimidating. Many couples hesitate for varied reasons, including:

• Hoping things will get better on their own. After all, there may still be many “good” times in your marriage or relationship.

• Will counseling even make a difference? It’s not unusual for me to see couples who have tried couples therapy in the past and found it unhelpful, sometimes even detrimental.

• Which therapist should we choose? What training should he or she have?

• Will it take years to get any worthwhile results?

What I love about Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy is the positive, scientifically supported approach that offers the best possible chance for couples to not only improve their relationship but also to build on what they’ve learned in therapy as they go forward into their future together.

What we know from studies is that 90% of couples found their relationship improved. And, 72-75% were able to go from distress to successful recovery. No counseling approach is 100%; however, the continued research about the effectiveness of EFT gives us reassurance of the validity of this process.

 EFT is considered a “brief” therapy model. While each couple’s situation is unique, data show that most couples complete therapy in eight to 20 sessions.

Here’s What You’ll Experience in Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy

 Here’s a summary of what you can expect with this proven approach:

1. We’ll spend some time in the initial sessions helping you understand what we call “the negative cycle” of arguing and/or becoming more distant. This no-blame stance looks at the cycle of interaction rather than blaming either of you!

2. Often, by understanding the cycle, couples can now recognize when they’re in the cycle and exit the arguing. This takes practice and patience, of course.

3. We’ll gently explore your personal history to gain a greater awareness of your feelings and beliefs about relationships. We look at what you learned in your family and culture, how previous relationships could be impacting you in your current one.

4. We’ll help you get back in touch with the core of your devotion to each other, which may have been lost during the challenging times you’ve been experiencing.

5. Yes, you’ll learn how to talk more effectively with each other because you’re sharing your deeper emotions – which makes all the difference in how your partner can truly hear and understand you.

6. You’ll develop ways to stay connected and close going forward.

I recognize that couples counseling is a commitment of time and money.  My goal is to help you achieve your goals in as few sessions as possible.

 Can I Help?

Please reach out to me by phone or email.  I provide a no-cost 15-minute phone conversation to answer your questions and to help you decide if we’re a fit to work together.

Online counseling helps couples avoid the hassles of commuting and scheduling childcare. Couples enjoy being in the comfort of their own home.