“We just grew apart.”
When this couple came to counseling, they both agreed that when they did argue, the topic was always “little and often silly.”
When we discussed the history of their marriage, it was discovered that much of their time and energy had been devoted to their children. “They are in activities, and we love to attend their games and concerts.” What was missing, it was soon learned, was time to nurture the marriage.
“We had become little more than roommates,” the husband complained. Intimacy grew less frequent (and less passionate!). She felt a greatly reduced emotional connection to him, and this, she revealed, had led to her reduced interest in sex.
In counseling, we explored the early years of their relationship, the closeness they cherished, as well as some differences that at times led to arguments. We discovered some “wounds” from the past when one or the other partner felt their spouse was neglectful or inattentive during important times of need.
We developed insight into their different roles when they had conflict: He would withdraw and shut down – compounding her need for answers and resolution and she pursued him (often following him from room to room around the house), causing him to want to at times even leave the house for a break.
The couple learned to bring their emotions and fears to the surface, to create emotional safety in being able to share these previously hidden feelings. They learned to break the cycle of arguing without inflicting any further distress. Then, they were ready to address the wounds of the past and heal the deep hurts.
I understand that selecting a therapist can feel challenging. To help you get acquainted, I offer a no-cost 15-minute phone consultation. You can contact me directly at (602) 882-0533 or via email at .
I look forward to talking with you!