About Counseling
We know from research that couples often postpone seeking help for an average of 6 to 7 years.
I am aware that couples may have some important questions about coming for counseling. So, here are some of those concerns and information about how I work with couples:
“Will the counselor take sides?” This question is understandable, because no one wants to feel blamed. The approach I use avoids blame or aligning with one partner over the other. In our early sessions, we will identify the negative cycle that has developed between you. This cycle is common – yet totally unintentional. Couples fall into the negative cycle when they feel hurt, misunderstood or their needs from their partner don’t seem to be met. Then, once the cycle becomes “routine,” it typically is repeated until the couple learns to identify, and then exit, the cycle. Neither of you are at fault; the cycle literally takes over and robs the relationship of the caring, love and goodwill you previously shared.
“Will my needs be understood by the counselor?” My role is to understand each of you, your own concerns and why these are so important to you. Actually, we cannot be successful without my having an full appreciation of each of your specific needs and desires that are important for you in your relationship.
“Is there hope for us?” The method I use is very well-researched and has what is considered to be the highest success rate. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has been shown to move couples from distress to recovery in 10-12 sessions in 70-75 percent of cases and creates improvement in 90 percent of couples coming in for therapy. However, each couple is different, and the issues they bring to therapy are unique. There is never a “guarantee” that counseling will help.
What we do know is that the distress couples feel when they are in the midst of the negative interaction cycle can cause them to feel hopeless, and that they often cannot achieve sufficient relief from the frequent arguing. I understand that even small issues can lead to big disagreements, that problems never seem to get resolved because it has become too difficult to discuss them and that you both may be working hard to avoid arguments. Therefore, the important concerns remain untouched and are not able to be resolved.
“Will we always need to be in therapy?” No! You will learn skills and key ways to work together to resolve issues calmly and productively. This method is considered a “brief model,” which means that the focus is on helping you learn new ways of being together. What we know from research is that the benefits of counseling can last long after therapy has ended.
“We seek someone with both skill and compassion.” My clients feel I offer both – I seek to help you get relief from the distress that brought you in to see me, as well as to help you feel comfortable and at ease. I understand that coming for counseling is difficult for many couples – that you will need to share feelings and issues that may be very sensitive. My style blends the knowledge and training I have with caring and concern for your well-being. I don’t judge, I don’t “take sides,” I do provide gentle guidance to help you both feel relaxed and to be open about what appears to be blocking your happiness as a couple.
I hope I’ve answered some of your questions. Also, you are welcome to call me for a no-cost phone consultation to see whether we are a good match for working together. I look forward to hearing from you.
Linda
602-882-0533