Better Marriage = Better Parenting

Many couples are not fully aware that they are teaching their children. In good times and in bad times. Your children are keen observers of your actions, behaviors and moods. It is through you that they learn about the world, and that includes how to cope with problems, how to handle disagreements and how to connect and be close to others.

We know that attachment of a child to a parent or significant adult can highly influence how children will later relate to their partner as an adult. Children learn about how to be in an adult relationship from their most prominent teachers — their parents.

I realize that, if you are in distress in your relationship, this information will be concerning. However, it’s important to know that your children can be deeply impacted by the status of your marriage — again, in good times and in bad times.

I often remind parents to avoid arguing in front of their children; yet I also point out that children are very intuitive and will realize all is not well from the subtle cues they pick up from you.

The good news is important, too! As you work on your marriage, your children will notice (even though they’re not aware you’re going to counseling). They’ll observe that adults may disagree, and that they can resolve those differences peacefully. They’ll notice you are spending time together as a couple, which tells them that this is important also. Your children will likely become more relaxed, less anxious and perhaps even wanting to spend more time with you.

You’ll also learn skills in couples counseling that will help you improve the relationship with your children. You’ll learn to connect with each child in ways that can enhance closeness and trust and build their confidence and self-esteem.

Just as you regain closeness and connection with your partner, you can become closer with each child. This connection can prove vital as your children progress through their teen years — a time when positive role models can be most critical in the choices they make.